Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Type A Wedding: Day 3


July 24, 2012.
Today was a day of forgetting.  I forgot a few things at work, and I forgot who I have contacted about some things.  I think I just have too much going on.  I finish work tomorrow and then hit the road to attend a wedding, this is where my fiance and I will also reunite after a few weeks.  Looking forward to this.  Planning a wedding when your partner lives further away is difficult.  We have often mentioned that some things have been "anti-climatic" and not we had expected.  I guess this situation is different and we are about to begin some exciting times.  Starting the countdown off with a road trip!!  One our favourites.  Come with us please, we're looking forward to new planning and preparation adventures as we head out onto the road, a road for many destinations. 

Type A Wedding: Day 2


Well today was great, gave me some good insight.  No insight about weddings in particular, but in my own personal life.  A psychologist spoke about some research she has been doing with mindfulness.  What an interesting thing, however, it seems difficult to so many.  We spoke about the DOING mode versus the BEING mode. We did some relaxing exercises where we were asked to visualize and really focus on sights, sounds, textures, etc.  The point of this was to compare what we observe when we live a life on "auto-pilot," the DOING.  What I come to realize is that hours, days, and sometimes weeks pass and I have observed virtually none of this because I let the DOING mode take over and forget what is around me, simple things, things I can touch, look at, enjoy everyday, but don't.  We spoke about how sometimes we do things repetitively and call them chores, the example used was gardening.  We know we plant things to make our yards and houses look nice and colourful in the summer months, however, they require care.  This is work, we water them, pull weeds and trim them, however, this is where it ends.  The story we were hearing about described a lady who went from the DOING mode to the BEING mode and was able to really enjoy the experience.  SHe described the sights and sounds around her, she truly began to be in the garden and became mindful to the world around her that she rarely stops to observe.  I thought, wow, and today, I felt kind of weird.  I cannot described it but it was difficult for me to really stop doing and start being, but I was trying and I was realizing that many of the things that stress me out, are really interesting, funny, enjoyable, etc.  I am truly thankful for this recognition, it couldn't have appeared at a better time.

Type A Wedding: Day 1


All that is going through my mind is SEATING PLAN.  Will it get done?  Of course, it has to.  When my fiance reassured me about getting it done together, and that it will be no problem, which it probably will not be, what did I do?  I continued to plan for when we can do it and how we will do it.  I had to cut myself off and tell myself, this is not something you should lose sleep over.  This is one task that can be done in a few hours (or less).  No problem, my mind was eased thanks to a patient partner and some self-talk.  Off to the cafe I went to use the internet to do some emailing, catching up, the usual.  About an hour at the cafe, I had not touched my drink and was knee deep into crunching numbers for the seating plan.  Seriously though, what is wrong with me?  I came to the conclusion that it has nothing to do with the seating plan, it has all to do with myself thinking that its 2 weeks before the wedding and I SHOULD be busy doing things.  But, I realize, that could it be that we are organized and we have some time to complete things.  While my fiance is out on the road with some friends for another wedding, my mind is racing thinking I need to be compensating for us not being able to work on things together the past few weeks. Why do I feel I need to take on things alone for something that involves two people equally?  Because I am miss independent and I like to be in control.  Time let up on that control, not just for wedding planning but for our new partnership. I started chatting with him on the computer and he kindly allowed me to make somewhat of a schedule for when he returns and we hit the road for our own wedding. I felt better seeing that there was a PLAN in front of me and was able to give up some of my control over this.  I packed up and went home and spent the rest of the day with me.

Type A Wedding: The Countdown

First of all, when I look back on my life I laugh at all the times I recall saying, "I'm just fine on my own," and "I don't have a desire to be married."  I was right back then, however, things have changed.  I have met and fell in love with a wonderful person and he is like no one I have ever met before.  The love I receive and feel for him is so real, yet such a mystery.  We drive each other mad at times but are able to patch things up.  Some of the things I have done and said to him would have driven other guys away and probably vice versa.  So there ought to be a reason we are together and there must be a reason why we are best friends…..

I am a Type A personality, I would say.  I can be laid back, but that isn't something that comes first for me, I like to have a plan, I worry, and I predict things that I think are going to happen.  Sound familiar?  If anyone who has these traits in common with me, you may understand these characteristics and have some of the same thoughts going through our head as we approach a big event, such as, a marriage.  I am 13 days away from being married to the greatest man, and would like to journal with my readers a little of what goes through my head each day as it approaches. Some things may be as simple as wedding details and plans and some might be deep feelings I am experiencing about being married.  I hope this reassures others who are headed in this direction, that they are not crazy, it happens, and we get over the worry and fears and neurotic tendencies.  Let's just make a pack though;  we are in relationship with our love who with God, we are taking the path into an exciting new land where it can look dark and there will be great light, but we chose one another because of something incredibly special, someone who will continue to love us despite our Type A'ness.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Stigma is the Difference

STIGMA is the DIFFERENCE

Years ago, people could enter a dark place and stare at other people who were deliberately caged in or locked up.  These unfortunate individuals would be ridiculed and abused by on-lookers who considered this a spectacle by non-humans, deranged monsters, completely abnormal behaviours.  There are many accounts of people who were 'misunderstood' or 'psychotic,' who could be made a public event, where those who assumed they were 'normal,' could observe in amazement at other people. This was quite confusing for these on-lookers, the individuals they were watching seemed to be composed of the same body parts as themselves, but how could this person act so differently?  One case I have read about lately, in absolutely disgust, is the Bedlam Institute in the 18th century, London, England where it was similar to a Sunday routine of attending church.  Residents and visitors only had to pay one copper penny to gawk with judgement at mentally ill patients.  Sure, psychiatric facilities have come a long way since these acts of evading personal dignity and privacy of real human beings, however, in some ways, this is still the case, just less public and more humane.

Although, I do not have an extensive resume of the human services career, and I am only approximately three years deep in working in Mental Illness and Community Health, however, I am saddened, no less than I was the first time I heard this explanation to a struggling individual who has been diagnosed with the poor prognosis of an ongoing, non-curable mental illness.  This person will now be ordered to follow a strict medication regime that will ultimately change their overall functioning and personality, leaving them numb, tired, and unknown to themselves.  On top of that, they will now be told that if they take this medication they will be able to be employed, have a job, and possibly a family.  Although this is a true hope for someone with these circumstances and it is definitely not impossible for this to happen, but there are implications.  The most significant of this, they have not escaped the STIGMA of being mentally ill, now running the risk of acquiring a secondary diagnosis of depression or anxiety.  They have most likely been to a hospital, have difficulty holding down responsibility of holding a job, or maintaining their daily lives in a way that would consider them a functioning adult. Their thoughts are preoccupied and they are unable to stay focussed on small simple goals.  What I hear while sitting with a team of allied health professionals or in a Psychiatrists office at a client appointment, I am hurt and angered by, and to be in that client's shoes would make me feel very misunderstood.

I hear this, time after time:  "You have to take your medication."  "Treat it as if it were a terminal illness, such as, Cancer or DIabetes."  Does this bother you? I ask, how do these illnesses compare?  So I don't work with individuals who have been diagnosed with cancer per se, but I have had individuals in my life touched by cancer, and there are people who battle blood sugar levels at my witness.  The physical repercussions of going through a cancer treatment can only be imagined as complete and utter discomfort, fear, pain, the list could go on.  In the following thoughts, I am going to use cancer as the comparison, simply because it is commonly a disease that has presented in most people's lives. 

Each time I hear a person who is being convinced to take medications for their delusions or hallucinations, and treat it the same as if they had to treat cancer or diabetes, I am left unsettled.  First of all, these medications leave them feeling disoriented from who they know themselves to be with ongoing uncomfortable and undesirable side effects.  Then it is followed by telling them they can go get a job and are thrown the resources.  Down the road the typical situation is that the side effects are so undesirable that they give up and stop taking meds, land in hospital or are reported in some way to authorities for demonstrating overt and possibly dangerous behaviour. Over time, hospitals run out of room and psychiatry becomes a "one-stop shop" for patients.  Here is the problem: there is a lack of understanding and support in hospitals for these patients.  Stigma is their enemy at this point in their illness.

Comparing the diagnosis of schizophrenia with cancer seems to me, very irrational.  

Here is the scenario: a woman is diagnosed with devastating news that she has cancer and will undergo a series of treatments that will make her sick, and her family will go through a lot.  Family, friends, acquaintances, community members will come to her bed side and support her in her fight against cancer.  The family will experience that people are so giving and caring in these situations and they will feel love and a sense of community throughout this unknown path she is on.  

Now compare this scenario:  A young woman ends up in the hospital after the police had been called on her for acting out in the street, perhaps she was seen talking with herself, perhaps she was speaking with disorganized thoughts that seemed absurd.  She is in the hospital for a few days while an assessment of her mental stability is is completed and she is discharged, a referral to an agency might have been made, depending on the hospitals psychiatric team and she is given a prescription for an anti-psychotic.  This woman is known to have a first onset of psychosis and is quickly diagnosed after one assessment and a few months later she is admitted again and kept for less time than before. This woman is known to be mentally ill, has no one bringing her to hospital, people are calling the police on her, it is unknown where she lives, works, etc etc.  This woman is now on the record and will be known each time she enters the hospital as a "crazy person".  This is a general overview, however, I am referred these chronic cases of individuals who have repeated hospitalizations all the time.  

The difference is obvious, right?

The person who is diagnosed with cancer is examined extensively, the family is brought in, they gain more family, friends, and community support.  People in their lives tend to increase, people flock to someone who has been diagnosed with cancer.  What happens with the person who received a diagnosis of Schizophrenia over the course of a day, and has been apprehended repeatedly and shows up at hospital, when this person may not even know why and is all alone and then is discharged after a dose of medication and a prescription?  Well rarely do I see people flocking to this individual and I certainly do not feel it is fair to compare this person to a person who has cancer.  

The physical and mental struggles are different.  The cancer patient can still mentally feel like the same person they were the day before, and the day before that, physically, of course, they may feel different.  The individual with Schizophrenia can feel detached, disoriented and medication is not always going to fix this.  Even with complete compliance, they don't have people supporting them, and less people coming to encourage their fight.  I am not saying those with mental illness lose people, and many have very supportive family members.  The cancer patient out on the street receive sympathy.  The mentally ill out on the street might get started at or avoided.  This is a sad situation to me.  

If you ever encounter a health care professional comparing treatment of a person with a mental disorder to someone who has cancer or diabetes, and prescribe that this person has to take medication to treat their symptoms in the same way, evaluate what comparison is being made.  I am angry at this comparison.  A mental disorder such as Schizophrenia is not going away, but the people around them are.  Lets move toward their battle instead of moving away.  To reiterate, I do believe cancer is serious and it is amazing the support and encouragement this person can receive.  Now imagine someone who has a mental illness reports this to you (which is quite unlikely, because of stigma), lets flock in support of their recovery or their battle.  Its not contagious and may even teach you a lot about what our society (especially health professionals) are not doing for these individuals and move you to act and lend the same support.  

I encourage you to spend some time analyzing this man's experience both as an advocate of psychiatric care and mental health and his personal experience of being diagnosed with cancer and the comparison in treatment he discovered.  http://www.mindfreedom.org/as/act-archives/inter/mfire/cancer-psychiatry.