As I sit and read about brokenness by Henri Nouwen, a
statement he makes about the people we most associate with pain and suffering
strikes me. Just prior to sitting
down reading, my husband and I were talking about poverty as not just the lack
of financial resources, proper nutrition and shelter but also the lack of life
skills and human support and connection.
I was inclined to write a bit about how I am feeling at this moment in
time. Each day I sit and listen to
people with mental disorders share their inner most feelings and odd thoughts
and behaviours. However, my first
response is to give them an example of someone else in a similar situation or a
person who once felt this way but has improved their life. But is this right? Of course I do the active listening,
paraphrasing, and asking clarifying questions, etc., but am I present?
I would like to share with you what I read in Henri Nouwen’s
book, Life of the Beloved.
“Although people suffer from physical and mental disabilities,
and although there is a great amount of economic poverty, homelessness, and
lack of human needs, the suffering on a day-to-day basis is the suffering of
the broken heart. There is immense
pain between husbands and wives, parents and children, friends, and
colleagues. In the Western world,
the suffering that seems to be the most painful is that of feeling rejected,
ignored, despised and left alone.”
Even though we can blame government for lack of funding and
poor professionals in the field of mental health and health care in general, we
as a society and human beings could do more. It really is a simple solution, however, is more difficult
than it is said. Being present is hard with busy lives and many
distractions. When is the last
time you sat and listened and did not offer another example to make someone
feel better about his or her situation?
As I read this chapter on brokenness, I wondered if offering solutions
is even productive. Suffering is
individual I believe, and no one person suffers exactly the same as another,
therefore, as suffering people, we can acknowledge those we see standing on the
streets, offer a blessing in the way of a smile, live in pain with others,
BEFRIEND these people. Perhaps
this is a solution for the poor person, but perhaps it is also a solution for
the non-poor who helps. One of
life’s biggest fears is that someone finds out about our deepest secrets. Maybe this allows someone to experience
friendship and acceptance and maybe this is something we need to humble our lives
and know the people we live with in this world.
For the average population, this idea of rejection and being
ignored is not so distant of an idea, as it is difficult to feel as though we
measure up in a society where media tells us to be a certain way, to feel
beautiful, and gain friendships.
Billboards and elaborate malls make consumption more efficient, however,
the brokenness inside does not feel blessed by these things but gives false
hope and in the end feel rejected.
I think most people can honestly say that the first response
to pain whether it is personal or seen in someone else is to push it away,
ignore, and deny it. Of course it is difficult to be in pain or see and be
involved in others’ pain, and with it comes more confusion and darkness. I
believe that this is a common feeling, but would like the challenge myself
against this natural tendency to allow this to be my blessing to others as well
as use it as a blessing to others.
Perhaps this is healing on both accounts. My hope for others that they find someone who is suffering
(that’s not the hard part) and sit and listen and accept that they feel this
way. Giving silence and showing
the good in them with a bit of grace and presence may just give them trust that
they are valuable and blessed, rather than rejected and cursed in a world that
was once out to get them. I hope
to spread this word, and if you read this, I would like this to be something
you consider as well.
As Henri Nouwen would tell us: The greatest joys in life
come from our feeling of acceptance and usefulness in helping another
person. I hope this is something I
can begin to be more intentional with in my life. Being present, befriending and eliminating the poverty of
rejection.
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